Alone
by Julianna Ellis
Veterans Memorial High School
Everything started going wrong when he showed up in my life. My family started to hate me, my brother hasn’t forgiven me, and my parents don’t even like me anymore. If they do, it's with hatred and disgust in their eyes. I had to leave my best friend, Olivia was the only one who understood me truly. I wished I didn’t have to leave but it was for everyone's safety including mine. I knew that he would come after me, even if I did obey. He is obsessed with me and I hate it.
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First day of school and everybody is looking at me. I hope no one asks me questions about my past. Halfway through the day, at lunchtime. I spotted my brother Dorian hanging out with the football team and cheerleaders. He's always been like that. It's the first day and he's already popular. While I am in the bathroom eating my lunch, wondering how I let my life end up like this. It's pathetic, I’m alone, ashamed to be alive. Before I knew it, I started crying remembering how I got here. I wished I never met him, he ruined my life. Realizing lunch is almost over, I cleaned myself up and continued to class. My last class was English. I walked in and when I saw my brother I knew I was in trouble. Ever since I ruined his life, he had this determination to make my life a living hell.
“Well if it isn’t my sister Amelia, how’d you do with knowing that fact that you’ve ruined my life and your own family hates you?” said Dorian.
Before I can respond, he grabs everyone’s attention and starts talking about my past. I understand that I hurt him but this is just the next level, he knew what my ex did to me, how much he hurt me.
“My sister let someone manipulate her and control her which is why we had to move in the first place,” he paused and looked at me and he grinned. I knew what he was going to say next. “She was sexually assaulted, and instead of fighting back, she ran. Our parents and I had to follow her, she ruined my relationship with my girlfriend. I was going to marry her.”
I couldn’t believe my ears, how could he say all this? I got out of that classroom as I started to lose control of my tears and dash to the bathroom. Something in me snapped, everything is coming back.
He pushed me against the wall, gripping my arms, and my arms started to ache. He’s looking at me with lust, disgust, and anger in his eyes. At this moment I knew that I was afraid of him. That's when it first started, him abusing me, mentally and physically.
“What did you just say? When I tell you to do something, I need you to do it without talking back or refusing. If you disobey, then I’ll gladly punish you,” said Lucas.
He slapped me so hard on the face and walked away. I slowly slid to the floor crying into my hands.
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On my walk home, I thought about what my brother said. I never knew that he loved Emma, that he was going to marry her. But he shouldn’t have said those things about me. Now, everyone knows what I went through. When I reached home, I headed straight for my room. I couldn't face my family. Ever since that night, I can’t sleep. When I do, I get these vivid dreams of what happened to me.
He ruined me, my family hates me, and I can’t trust anyone. He gave me nightmares, I’m anxious all the time, watching my back every five minutes. I wish Olivia was here with me, she would understand everything and wouldn’t blame me or hate me. Why can’t my family understand that I couldn’t do anything to stop him? He was stronger. Why can’t they comfort me as any other parent should?
Whenever I am feeling down, I’ve always enjoyed writing what I feel down in a journal. As I am about to start writing today's entry, someone knocks on my door.
“Who is it?” said Amelia.
“It's your mother, open this door right now,” said Katrina.
I slowly walk towards the door to open it, and my mom rushes in pulling me back by the arm softly. I've never seen her this upset.
“What happened at school today? Why did I get a call about you being sexually assaulted,” said Katrina.
“That was Dorian, he shouted to the whole school about me and how I destroyed his life. Why would I want everyone to know that I was abused?” said Amelia.
“Well, you don’t need to worry about that, I told them that you just wanted attention so you made up that story,” said Katrina.
“You didn’t, everybody's gonna think I’m a freak,” said Amelia.
“Cause you are, now go to bed,” said Katrina.
When she closed the door, tears started rolling down my face. My mother just called me a freak just because I went through something tragic. I quickly grabbed my journal and started writing.
Entry #16
Everything broke in me when my mother called me a freak. She is supposed to love, protect, cherish, support, encourage, respect, and care for me. When I came home from the first night Lucas abused me, she was ashamed. I was alone, my parents weren’t going to help me. My brother wouldn’t help me either, he was worried about getting beaten every day. Lucas was the troublemaker of the school, everyone stayed clear of him. He would bully people physically just because they gave him the slightest look. Everyone at that school wanted to be in his circle, to protect themselves. I took a chance on Lucas, I thought he was lost. I believed that he acted like he does because he was alone like me, and wanted attention from people. But in truth, he's a manipulative, controlling, abusive, obsessive type of person. It only got worse, a couple of weeks later he would force me to take off my clothes. I know that he will find me, it's only a matter of time.
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A week has passed since I started school. No one has talked to me since Dorian spat out that I was sexually assaulted. At this point I should just drop out, everyone thinks I’m a freak. I miss my time with Olivia, we always ate in the grass during lunch. We would gossip about everyone, about what they were wearing, what they would say. She always warned me about Lucas. I wish that I listened before it was too late.
As I am walking home, I feel like someone is following me. I keep turning around but no one is there. I have a bad feeling. Usually, I am not the only one who takes this route, but no one else is here walking. Before I can turn right, I feel someone cover my mouth and nose with some type of cloth and grab me. Before I lose my senses, I’m thrown into a white van and the next thing I know, my eyes go wide. I couldn’t believe my eyes, he found me. And no one is going to come looking for me