How to Survive the Falsehood of Cancer

by Carla Verver

Carla Verver is originally from Guanajuato, México. She studied English and Philosophy at UIW and holds an MA in English. She has always enjoyed creative writing and editing; she was once an editor for Quirk. 

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First, a doctor needs to tell you 
“there’s a possibility of a brain tumor  
but we need more tests” 
The wording has to be ambiguous, 
Almost mysterious 
Like they’re hiding something, 
like your brain is hiding something 
—a tumor 

Then, you have to repeat to yourself: 
is too early to worry 
don’t freak out  
don’t tell anyone  
is too soon to tell anyone  

When you (inevitably) panic,  
just start to tell everyone, 
say it with humor  

Proceed to miss class and/or work 
and blame yourself  
for the constant tightness in your chest 
for the fruitless days 
and long nights 
for doing too much of this  
and not enough of that 

Finally, you will be in full controlling mode  
control your emotions, 
your wants,  
your needs 
control your brain (and tumor)  

Go to the doctor again 
hopefully they’ll tell you  
if you are lucky enough, they’ll tell you  
you are just as powerless as you’ve always been  
and no less 

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