How to Survive the Falsehood of Cancer

by Carla Verver

Carla Verver is originally from Guanajuato, México. She studied English and Philosophy at UIW and holds an MA in English. She has always enjoyed creative writing and editing; she was once an editor for Quirk. 

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First, a doctor needs to tell you 

“there’s a possibility of a brain tumor  

but we need more tests” 

The wording has to be ambiguous, 

Almost mysterious 

Like they’re hiding something, 

like your brain is hiding something 

—a tumor 

Then, you have to repeat to yourself: 

is too early to worry 

don’t freak out  

don’t tell anyone  

is too soon to tell anyone  

When you (inevitably) panic,  

just start to tell everyone, 

say it with humor  

Proceed to miss class and/or work 

and blame yourself  

for the constant tightness in your chest 

for the fruitless days 

and long nights 

for doing too much of this  

and not enough of that 

Finally, you will be in full controlling mode  

control your emotions, 

your wants,  

your needs 

control your brain (and tumor)  

Go to the doctor again 

hopefully they’ll tell you  

if you are lucky enough, they’ll tell you  

you are just as powerless as you’ve always been  

and no less 

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